a letter to ben

The school I attend makes no effort to make the students feel like they’re having a real authentic college experience, I spend day in and day out watching as everyday play out like the last with no celebration and only misery. I feel like if the school I attend would rather be happy with me killing myself than have a little reckless fun and spontaneity

dear ben, 

your words evoke a kind of heartbreak that i wish i could mend. 

the sun has been out lately and i find myself a bit more hopeful despite all the ways in which institutions try to break us all.there is so much that is out of our reach purely by design. i am continuously inundated by all the consequential resentment, sadness, and helplessness. do you also crave so much more than this city or world has to give you?

sometimes, out of pure stubbornness, i focus only on the warmth of my skin and on the way that the wind tickles my eyelashes. none of it makes the pain go away, as i am sure you know, but i promised myself many years ago that i will always choose to be alive. you see, there was a time in my life that i didn't. 

surviving was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

i hope it becomes the same for you too.