a letter to hayleeann

everything is on my mind. i love being by myself, im often my happiness alone, but becoming aware of the fact that sometimes it isn’t a choice feels defeating. that i can attempt to see people and make passes at them, but i hold no social desire. i feel like people can see my neurodivergency like a big flashing sign above my head, or maybe i’m just THAT socially inept

dear hayleeann, 

while not a reflection of your character, compulsory and chosen solitude are both worthy of anguish and resentment. as a fellow neurodivergent myself, the awkwardness of my existence is permanently engraved into my perception of self, and it guides my every decision. 

although possibly cruel, i will not gaslight you into thinking that all of this is solely in your head and that the world around you is open and accepting of you. more often than not, it isn't. for better or for worse, i know this to be true with my every cell that all you recount is true. 

but if i can offer you solace, let it be that being alone can provide a certain kind of knowledge that is only born out of the absence of other voices. 

if your desire to be alone comes from nowhere near the fear of rejection, then you are truly a brave one.