a letter to jason

I'm in the last semester of my senior year and I've only ever made one friend here. We were friends twice and each time ended badly. I haven't seen or spoken to her in over a year. Two days ago, she showed up as a new hire at my job. I nearly had a panic attack. She scares me so much even though I know she didn't mean to hurt me. To be honest, I doubt our friendship ever mattered as much to her as it did to me. But she was the only friend I had here and since then I've been so lonely. Having to work together makes the isolation feel worse. A part of me wants to run away so that I don't have to be reminded about how much she hurt me. Another part wants to find out if we could be friends again. The former is far louder than the other and I've always preferred cowardice. Seeing her has forced me to face the fact that I let one bad friendship ruin the chance to build more.

dear jason,

above anything else, I must be honest with you. I have read your confession repeatedly since last night, trying to see it any other way. yet, I have failed every time so I need to ask you: were you ever in love with your friend?

please forgive me if this is a gross misinterpretation or if I'm overstepping. I ask you because your story sounds incredibly familiar to me. I am aware that I am most likely projecting, and that if you were in love, you may not necessarily know it. however, if I am correct in my theory, I hope you will reach out again so we can speak of the matter more freely and with more clarity. I wish you the best of luck with your heart.