a letter to ms. alise

My partner got diagnosed with a chronic illness and it’s destroying him. He can’t eat, can’t sleep, he sobs into my chest uncontrollably sometimes. I take care of him as much as I can, some days are better than others, but I’m scared that this will become my life, I’m so young I can’t imagine becoming someone’s caretaker full time. I love him more than anything and I want to be there for him, but I’m so afraid for the future. The thought of watching him waste away feels like a slow death inside me, a black tide of loss and loneliness I can’t shake.

dear ms. alise,

i am so incredibly sorry for what you and your partner are going through.

i am painfully aware of how there is nothing i can say to help or change anything. but you asked for a response and i will not shy away. so if i could say anything, i guess it would be solely to remind you that it is okay to be absolutely terrified. the uncertainty of life is a reality that some have to privilege to ignore but it seems like you can no longer overlook it. you and your partner are dueling – maybe even defying – death on a daily basis and that is so scary but also completely badass. at this very moment, i feel compelled to call you exactly this: badass. it takes a precise kind of strength to go through all of this, to give yourself fully to someone else when they need you the most.

ms. alise, i know you will be scared throughout all of this but you will also push through, make it through, regardless of the outcome. i will be here for as long as you need me and i am wishing you and your love all the strength and happiness this universe has to give.