a letter to tae tae

Hi, this is so weird to be writing this to you mostly because I don’t know you and you can do anything with this information but that was my choice to make. Today has been stressful you know I’ve always felt sad and I am only asked to. I don’t have any relationships and I mean it when I say that, I do with so many different mental health problems that it makes it hard to get out of bed past few months have been very bad for me. I feel behind on everything I don’t feel like I did a good job on certain responsibilities that I have. I’m not good at being consistent and being responsible. Sometimes I worry a lot because there is a lot that goes on in my life. Today has been stressful you know I’ve always felt sad and I am only asked to. I don’t have any relationships and I mean it when I say that, I do with so many different mental health problems that it makes it hard to get out of bed past few months have been very bad for me. I feel behind on everything I don’t feel like I did a good job on certain responsibilities that I have. I’m not good at being consistent and being responsible. Sometimes I worry a lot because there is a lot that goes on in my life. I deal with by dysmorphia depression, and so much more that I don’t want to list on here, but it is really hard to get ready for the day. It’s also been hard to live in the past. I always feel helpless and hopeless and worried you know I’m not where I want to be as an adult like I should be I feel lost an incomplete I don’t have love. The only love that exist is from my dad. Life is just not good about the same time I can’t say that because I’m very blessed to be alive. I’m happy that God keeps me on this earth but I just wish it was how I would like it to be you know everyone else is doing so well and here I am constantly struggling and battling so many demons as in the devil it’s been very hard and I don’t want to stress other people out so I don’t really like to talk about it.

dear tae tae,

first, i would like to apologize for taking so long to get back to you. i have been experiencing some difficult health issues lately and it has been taking a lot of my time and energy. i hope you see that none of it implies a lack of care or interest in your words.

with that said, i truly appreciate your willingness to communicate with me despite not knowing what would come out of it.

i am very aware of all that you have described. while some issues regarding mental health have been getting more attention lately, so much goes unrecognized or underestimated.

tae tae, i know things are hard and i know that you want to be responsible, capable, reliable, and so much more. i also know that so much of this is out of your control. however, being alive and the healthiest version of yourself is just as important as any commitment you have to others.

i believe you and everything you say. i believe your struggle and i feel it in me as well. i know if feels lonely and suffocating, but this world is full of people like us. i wish you all the many loves you deserve. i wish you friends that need you just as much as you need them. i wish you health and peace and healing. and as you search, i'll be here.