a letter to trans invisibility cloak

How do I get so lonely and so very overwhelmed by social stuff at the same time?? I have the same problem in relationships. I feel like we’re spending way too much time together and the moment I get the vast space I’ve been internally complaining about, I have devastating separation anxiety. My parents have been married forever, so Ive believed that there is hope for long term love. But one of them is a woman and the other has non-American commitment values. Can two American male adjacent people actually get a “happily ever after ?” Is that a real thing even? Is the weed/adderall combination with a healthy daily exercise routine making me feel better? These are the mysteries swirling around in my little ping pong ball head. They are as mysterious as my vagina and like my vagina, they probably just need warm water, extremely mild soap and to be left to regulate themselves. Being a human is annoying, I wonder if my cat feels all of this turmoil. I thought I’d grow out of being angsty but if that were true then I guess we wouldn’t have philosophy and the Twilight series. My feelings are SO big and SO annoying. I hope that yours aren’t too too loud and wild today. Maybe our feelings can go shopping together and try to find something that they feel good in.

dear trans invisibility cloak,

you propose so many complicated questions. while humanity is just as painful as nature is cruel, we are social animals. i know very little about biology, so please do not take my word for it, but i think our feelings for each other are a means to an end. the end, here, is survival. i could write this more poetically but my cat just died and i am avoiding dipping into emotional language because i genuinely believe i am on the verge of dehydration.

yet, it saddens me that those of us who are tormented by big feelings are punished. we become seen as too much, too emotional, too attached, etc. but don't you think that someone needs to be in charge of feeling for all the small things that go unnoticed? who will mourn for the drowned ant, the melted chocolate amidst summer, or the last snow before the bloom if not us?

someone has to do it, and all we can do is hope we will find someone to do it with us.